i have no idea what i'm doing
welcome, friends.
so, here we are. it’s the end of 2021 with exactly 26 hours and six minutes to go until we reach 2022, and i have decided to create a blog titled
“i have no idea what i’m doing.”
L O L. how fitting.
why? you ask.
at this point, i’m wondering the same thing.
no but forreal. people look at me and ask, you’re doing so much. you’re a “successful” artist and facilitator. you’re 28 and own two houses. you’ve created two communities, sanctuary soul house and hear me roar theatre, that welcome the most vulnerable people to the table. how did you do it? what about this? or this? and the questions keep coming. well, the honest to god answer is:
i literally have no idea what i’m doing.
let me say this.
because of my upbringing, i’ve been taught to go after what i want viciously until something happens, and that has been the way i’ve lived my life. i find what resonates and strive for it. most of the time, it’s worked. my blind faith and persistence has gotten me a lot of accolades in my first love of storytelling, performing and creating.
so yes, sometimes i succeed, and that’s what most people see. but sometimes i fail miserably, or honestly, I get bored and stop. but every time, i grow. and that’s what i’d like to focus on:
there is growth that underlies having no idea what you’re doing.
well, what makes you so special? you may ask.
nothing. absolutely nothing.
BUT.
i can tell you a little about who i am so you can see if you want to stay aboard for the wild ride that is my life.
okay then, who are you?
ooo. i’m glad you asked.
I AM:
a queer, black, fat non-binary femme / woman married to a non-binary trans femme, although most times we look painfully straight
a non-religious / spiritual person in a family of die hard Christians 😅😬
a third culture kid born to immigrants
a zealous artist (singer, composer, writer, dancer, teacher, director, leader) going down paths that resonate to create their vision and grow wealth while doing it. sometimes i fail miserably, sometimes I get bored, and sometimes i succeed, but every time, I grow
a self care king with the mission to enlighten people, especially fellow creatives, that you can prioritize yourself, your wants, your dreams in both your life and your work
a storyteller honoring the gift of her creativity, imagination, and want to help others while putting herself first and stumbling along her unique path to get there
but, the most important thing is that:
I am fighting through imposter syndrome every day and doing what scares me anyway
and i think that’s what gets me. that maybe i’m not supposed to know what i’m doing. maybe that’s what makes life life. and for now, that calms me.
welp. that’s all i have for you.
learn with me.
fail with me.
grow with me.
let’s figure out this thing called life together.